While sitting on a rock that has been eroding away in the Little Miami river for many years, my mind wanders in hundreds of memories from the past and dreams that will hopefully happen in the future. I am sitting on this rock because I have come to this eroding memory since I was a little girl running around in the dirt with pigtails flopping up and down. I can close my eyes and let the sun hit my face with the warmth of rays pointing at me. I can remember so many summers and springs this has happened to me. As the shining sun hits me all of a sudden the light is blocked. Blocked by what? I quickly open my eyes to find my father standing in front of me. We smile at each other. He knew I would be down here because he is the one that introduced me to this river. He is the one that introduced me how to really live and love life.

Even though we are blood related and he was the one that fed and held me close as a baby, I feel he is still on the other side of the river and the water is too high for me to cross and reach him. I am 19 years old and I still at times don't understand my father. He is the one that I look up to, the one I call to talk because my life is out of order. He feels so close, but so far away.

My father, not very wealthy growing up, is from a big family of 7. As children they would all sleep in the same room which was the attic of their house. When they got together, they said it was like 7 wild animals roaming the house. Also, their cousins the 7 Kelly children would also join their herd. No wonder they turned out the way they did. With so many kids and family members around I ask myslef why my father is so quiet and why he won't let me into his thoughts?

When Karr mentions the American Legion and her time spent there, I have memories just like her. The Chandlers are all about the legion. My uncle Donny spends every waking moment at the Legion, even Christmas Day. It is where I have grown up. I remember seeing a picture of me (2 years old) and my cousin Mark (9 years old) during an Easter egg hunt at the Legion the only one that I would be aloud to participate in. My mother didn't find it suitable for me to be down there. My father always relaxed with anything so he would sneak me down to the legion at any age. During every summer I would always run down there from my house because of the small town everything is so close, that I would always find my grandpa smoking a cigarette in the basement when he knows he shouldn't be, or the bartender saying hi to me while kicking some drunk out at noon. I have many memories at the Milford Legion with my Chandler cousins, some should not be mentioned. My mother still doesn't know half the stuff I enjoy doing with the Chandlers. Whatever I did with the Chandler's, was always kept from my mother for many years. The legion was like a safe haven from her. I don't understand how my father can listen to her complain about his family? He sits there just facing the TV. or reads the newspaper without looking up. He is probably used to it since growing up with her and being married to my mother

My parents are always there for me. They always make me feel welcome, but awkward at the same time. I don’t know how to act or feel to their actions towards me. I want them to acknowledge me for what I believe in and how I feel to live in the world they way I want to. I am closer to my father even though his family might be different than my mothers but were all the same we are family. My father is a man that spreads a smile whenever he speaks. He's a man with little words and emotion. He is always packing a cooler to float in a canoe to have time to be himself. He's the man that I look up to even though when we say goodbyes he gives me an awkward handshake instead of awkward hug with a pat on the back. My father came to visit me for a weekend in Athens. My father Patrick is the type of guy that takes everyday at a time. I think a 52 year old gym teacher should be living life. I always question what he is thinking; I can never read him right. Anyway, as an only child not really emotionally close with my parents I was actually very excited he was coming to OU, to visit me, his follower. While he came to visit on Saturday we went to dinner with my friends and then went to (I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but went to a bar and had drinks that helped me have a great morning after). At the end of the night when my father was leaving to go to his hotel room and after having an awkward night of standing next to each with a distance of looking right then left and then saying one sentence then repeating again until he left with complete intoxication and giving me a handshake and slipping a $20 dollar bill in my hand. It was at that moment that struck me as kind of annoying. I haven't completely thought of how I really feel. It struck a nerve to the very core of my feelings towards my parents. It's a confusing feeling I still haven't understood. I wanted to spend time with him, not for him to give me possessions that I don't want when I have time with him without my mother around. It's a want to be close with him, a closeness that I want more than anything especially worth more than to have Andrew Jackson explain his feelings.